Essays From Texas: Cat Wigs

Meet Tinsley.

Tinsley is approximately 400 years old in cat years. We got him from the Tinsleys when I was about 6 years old (I think). He was a beautiful, fluffy kitty that was always happy. He purred constantly. He never stopped purring. He also liked to work his claws innocently into my flesh, and it was at that point I would then fling him away and inspect my injuries caused by this fluffy creature.

Tinsley's life consists of wandering around the farm, but never really straying far from the porch. He purred so much that I often wandered if he was a gay cat. Most male cats never seem to be that happy.

So, anyway, someone made the mistake of giving my mom a pair of dog sheers a few years ago. Since then, no animal has escaped the blades of this past time that my mom enjoys so much. We've had dogs hide for days until their hair grew back long enough to be socially accepted on the farm. The humility these animals have experience amongst their peers must be extreme. I wonder what little comments the animals shoot their way after Mom has "groomed" them down to nothingness?

I'm sure she's actually doing them some sort of favor by ridding them of gobs of hot, sticky hair. I've even seen her accidentally clip Tinsely and he never stopped purring. I don't think this cat has ever actually been conscience.

Well, Tinsley's massive fluffiness had gotten out of control, so Mom did her thing and got out the dog sheers. Since he's 4,000 years old, there's not a whole lot of meat left on this feline.

Recently, a dog on the farm, Abby, was experiencing intense fluffiness herself, so naturally, Mom got out her "brush" at a cookout and brushed away some of the gobs of nasty hair this dog has been sporting. The result was a large pile of black hair.